Who is Another?


51WccMs0rDL._SL500_AA300_At first glance, this question might seem simple and almost too stupid to even care to answer. Why bother, as I can clearly see that you are not me, right?

But are you sure? Who is another, really? Have you ever, honestly, tried to follow your mind and emotions into this question? Perhaps not, as we all take the whole thing for granted, don’t we?

I was asked the question this weekend.  That is because I’ve embarked on one more journey into the Buddha Psychology, with my teacher Nukunu.

I tried to answer it as wholeheartedly as I could. Oh, yes of course I know the right answers in my mind of memories, and I could easily reproduce them. I’ve read the books, you know.  But that’s dead stuff. I’m not interested in that, I’m interested in the raw experience in the moment, in what feels true right now. So I sat listening and not listening to the voices in the room, all trying to explain their experience of who is another to their random chosen partner. I listened to “my partner”- A simple question producing so many different answers. Interesting in it self.

Would you like to know what I found?

To me ‘Another’ is something the mind creates in time and space, as something or someone apart from me, as an object in time and space. Oh, how convenient! In that way I can hold you as something predictable in the world of objects.

It is also a way to say: Oh no, this is not me or mine! In that way I do not need to be responsible, I do not have to engage.  In that way I do not need to feel into what I reject in the moment, of feelings and circumstances. “Oh, this is for sure not mine, this is yours, baby! “

When I create ‘you’ or ‘another’ I immediately create ‘me’. In a split second I’ve created a distance, a disconnection, a separation. In creating ‘another’ I build and restore the prison called me, each and every time, every single day.

‘Another’ is a dance and form of energy given names and labels. It has become frozen objects. When I create another I do so in order to believe that this dance is controllable, and to keep a certain imagined balance and safety. It is a game in time and space. Quite fascinating actually, how we all silently have agreed to keep this game of hide and seek going for thousands of years… hmm….

And then came the juicy part, for me the bottom line of this:

” If there were to be no other, no you, there would be no me.”


NO ME ?!? Oh no, sir, don’t you give me this one. I won’t buy it.


Fear came visiting, sure as Amen in the church.

Oh my!…. I’m so afraid of loosing the grip of it all. It’s better to stay framed than to loose ones self, or what?

I better keep the walls up and live inside the jail called me, in order to believe that this is safe and that this is the best solution for all.



Of course not. But still we do.

When we mutually agree to keep the concept of another alive, we constantly live in a blind dance that goes on and on. We agree to this in order to feel that we belong. Belong in a family, in a group, in the world, and that there is a time and place for ‘me’ in the world. We agree to stay small in order to belong.

I saw that what we reject in the moment of identifying as a ‘me’ and a ‘you’, is the greatness. It is nothing but the AbsoluteTotality we reject. We trade our freedom for the jail of mind.

Oh holy shit! This vastness beyond measure.. .. limitless access to this?… oohh… fear from the guts and longing in the heart arose side by side. 


It’s perhaps not so bad after all, to dive into this. So much revealed by such a simple question.

There is more to come.

Yes please !

Thank you, Nukunu. Thank you, sangha.

Thank you ‘me’ for diving into the sea of life.











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