I was walking in the wet dark night when the earth opened and I was pulled into a tunnel underneath. Like a sewer, wet, but of red and orange. I was floating in this. Suddenly I was outside, standing in a room with a man, looking down at the sewer-like tunnel. He was scary, his energy was dark sexual, alluring and frightening. Like a Mafioso, mixed with a pimp, and quite kinky. “I pulled you out from there, I rescued you”, he said, pointing to the tunnel of red and orange liquid, like lava, not burning but floating. I wondered how on earth I had managed to be down there at all, in this, and to come out from this alive. And I did not know what to fear the most, the tunnel or the man.
I woke up with a headache.
During the weekend this dream have followed me. Into meditation and healing sessions. Into life. Deeper and deeper into my self.
Today it showed itself as a myth of creation. I felt the old urge to draw wake up, to be lost in the colors, in the feelings, to let the picture come alive, and the dream to show it self.
I made a drawing.
And what I saw was the whole universe coming to presence through one single point, the creation of man. I saw the tunnel of birth take form, the spiral of life, in which everything comes to form. I saw the tears of man, the foggy darkness in his mind. The man, “rescuing me from life”, the beginning of separation. The manmade separation from birth and death, from creation itself. I felt the fear of the man, and his penis, pointing into the room, almost threatening, as haunting God. I saw the eye that sees it all, and the connection to earth through being. And then I saw death, the hollow death that man fears so much. The one he does not want to see. And I saw how man tries to escape from life, even though emerged and surrounded by its force.
I know that what I long for the most, is the Earth in Me. This is a very feminine expression of the longing for the tao. For being. The feeling in this longing is almost physical. And it feels as a waiting for Life to happen in every cell of my body, as if I already know the feeling but have forgotten where it is. Forgotten how it is to be the tunnel of creation.
And now, when I thought I had finished this writing about the dream, I also come to see that this is a dream of a rite of passage! Being born is certainly such a thing. And I have left my old life and started a new. Left the fog, in a way. I am, together with my beloved, not only living as authentic as we in each moment are able to in our relationship and in our daily lives. Now we are also bringing this to people around us. We initiated a non dual therapy-meeting this weekend in our house, and soon we will offer a tantra weekend too. We are on the edge of it. We are creating it, living it. It is a bit scary, it is alluring. It is life.