“on my own two feet”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I feel puzzled. I think that is the word.

Yesterday I spoke to Richard, telling I must stand and walk on my own to feet, meaning; I want to live authentically. Being my Self. It´s all about that.

And now I open facebook, where my friend Azman has posted this You-tube-video from a satsang with Adyashanti. It is about aloneness. And grief over what is left behind. And what else does he say but;  “you learn how to stand up on your own two feet”, and that is to be totally alone.

Instantly, in me there arises a fear. A fear of being alone, of being left behind, of leaving everything I know behind.  I´ve got tears in my throat while writing. Feelings like I´m not ready, … I´m not .. I´m not… just as he talks about. Something that wants to cry out, saying “NO No no… I thought it was about feeling together-ness, not alone-ness! ”

He continues talking.. but I can´t really find it soothing. Not right now , though what he says is not at all bad. He says what I know, what my heart and body knows but forgets about, what I´ve heard and read over and over again; that this alone-ness is an all-one-ness.

– mette-

 

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