Now I feel puzzled. I think that is the word.
Yesterday I spoke to Richard, telling I must stand and walk on my own to feet, meaning; I want to live authentically. Being my Self. It´s all about that.
And now I open facebook, where my friend Azman has posted this You-tube-video from a satsang with Adyashanti. It is about aloneness. And grief over what is left behind. And what else does he say but; “you learn how to stand up on your own two feet”, and that is to be totally alone.
Instantly, in me there arises a fear. A fear of being alone, of being left behind, of leaving everything I know behind. I´ve got tears in my throat while writing. Feelings like I´m not ready, … I´m not .. I´m not… just as he talks about. Something that wants to cry out, saying “NO No no… I thought it was about feeling together-ness, not alone-ness! ”
He continues talking.. but I can´t really find it soothing. Not right now , though what he says is not at all bad. He says what I know, what my heart and body knows but forgets about, what I´ve heard and read over and over again; that this alone-ness is an all-one-ness.