April 4, 2011
confusion 0
This came up;
How come there are boarders, there has to be boarders and there are no boarders at the same time?
This is the story;
A situation awoke the sadness. I cried, and cried, but I did not know why.
So I continued to cry until a voice inside said: “this is about confusion over boarders.”
And I cried even more. Suddenly I felt as if I was pulled in every direction, to please and to do what everyone else wanted, that it was impossible for me to make my own decisions based on my own inner secure knowing. I felt like I was limitless in a not ok way, and center -less.
Laying like this, still crying, it was as if an unspoken family constellation was taking place. I felt the moving. The system shifted between trying to hold on and to release.
And I cried. Until there was another voice telling;
“This that is present is crying for itself.” It was not me crying.
And I saw, that if the mother cannot in her emotions or on soul level make a clear distinction between her self and the child, this will happen. The child will not by sound instinct know “where the mother starts and the child begins.” The child will live the mothers life on emotion and soul level. Always. Also as grown up, or even if the mother is dead. And pass it on to next generations. This is the sadness.
And this is the confusion;
That there has to be a boarder between the child and the parents for the child to find its own place and space and integrity. And yet, my experiences tells me there are no boarders between us, we are all one. Not only as a fancy idea in new age literature, but truly One when is comes to essence.
In order to survive there is created a ´me´ and a ´you´. And yet there is not. I believe this is one of the core wounds.
I still have not figured this out.
Do you?
-mette-
