Durga the Goddess is for sure riding that tiger now, right into my life, right into my being.
There is a struggle within.
So damn much attachment! Oh holy shit!
But that’s how it is. Can’t make it nicer than it is.
Surrender… I know… I know…
A devil inside saying:
Kiss my holy ass – surrender! Nooo way! You gotta be out of your bloody mind!
Embrace & Kiss that devil? … yak!
The devils name; “I want it my way”.
Yes, the ‘I’ for sure ‘s got an agenda, totally crashing with the insight from yesterday:
As long as there is the sliiiightest bit of an ‘I’ having an agenda, or a wanting of an outcome, even though disguised as a non-selfish-very-kind-to-humanity-kind of- agenda, more karma is created.
Fuck those insights! Grrr! –makin’ya caught in your own trap, sort of.
Resistance. – here we go again.
I’m so fucking pissed off by all the times I gave in, for the sake of the so-called peace of house. Didn’t bring you much relief or happiness, did it? Nope! Only suppressed anger.
But; if I have no goal, what is there to fight for? Nothing! What’s the use then, to speak ones longing, to try and make changes for the best? No use at all…. You Might just as well end the party here & now. Right? Yep….or I don’t know…
Letting go of the outcome of it all? Sigh… can’t I just have it a tiny-winy my way, please…? How can I aim for a goal, and at the same time let the outcome be open, with no attachment to any kind?
Sayin’ what? Can’t hear you…
Fight, the word fight. Wrong attitude.
Who’s there speaking now? Oh…. So tired of all these voices! Sigh.
Say welcome to “The One who knows”. –
Hallelujah, so you’re on stage now too…
Oh, Shut up will you please? I’m tired of you Devil now.
Dearest, will it make you happier getting it your way? Do you know for sure what is for the best? Do you know better then life itself? It’s a hell of a lot of ego here, do you see that?
Devil speaking: I hate all those questions! Why do you listen to them at all?
-NO of course I don’t know what is the best, but I think I do.., and if I do not TRY, I’ll never know, will I?
…Blah blah blah….
Mindstuff. -Ok I see that.
What’s the opposite of Fight?
Yeah. Peace. And what is peace?
So it is, darling. And how do you find this?
By not fighting. Meaning: surrender. Letting go of the shape of the outcome. But still do what feels right and follow my heart. And listen. HOW the h…DO I DO THAT with all these voices inside?
You are doing it already, right now. This is how it is, love. Bring it all to the Goddess. Offer it to her feet. Let her feed her tiger with it all. With all those demon voices, all the false selves. It’s her job, to restore peace inside. And you know, peace inside is peace outside. Go undress your false selves, let them crumble in her presence. Let it all fall aside, inside. You can be with it, I know.
Illustrations used in this post:
“Durga the Goddess” By Heike Becker.
“Struggle” by Keith Burnette
Feeding Tiger : unknown.