A yogini is getting married

images-1- And a marriage is not something a yogini can take it easy on. Even though she might want to sometimes, easier that way, for sure… Marriage is not just some yada-yada- words and a ring on the finger-play.

It is a 100% Yes. Unless so there is no yes.

When a yogini marries she does so full-heartedly. There is no holding back, nor is she hiding from whatever comes up. Life as a yogini demands of her to stay in her truth and as close to Truth as she possibly can. She has no choice. It is Spirit calling her out on stage. It’s not a choice made by mind and logic.

So, in the midst of a myriad of to-do-preparations before marriage, happily carried by a strong force of Love and Abundance on a wave of Joy

I fall.

Fall into something unexpected.

So totally unexpected.

Into a wave of deep sorrow, of frustration and agony.

Bodily pain and a tight knot in the belly, tears without name wanting to be cried.  Almost no breath. It’s a heavy, thick and stuck yet frantic and strange kind of electric nervous energy in this.

As out of the blue, the words Marriage Trauma appear in mind.

Oh, it sure is demanding, this 100% Yes.

This Yes to this one man, to whom I wove to stay full- heartedly, side by side, for the rest of my life.  A Yes to this Love, this Body, this Presence, this Life. With no escape routes. No back door slightly open for a quick and easy way out. Not a tiny little unspoken ‘no’ has a place in this union.

This Yes to marry with all of me.

I do not want it any other way.  My yogini heart is here, alive.

I’ve failed before. Twice. What was supposed to last, didn’t. Disappointment. Challenges. Trauma.  First time I was young and immature, second time driven by passion and frustration. Both had to end with pain.

There is more to it, something lurking in the shadows of the past.

So I breath into it. Feel and wait. Not for long, this wants to be seen now.

And from the deep Well of Grief comes to surface

The Great Betrayal.

The Great Betrayal is the one from the father of daughter.

In the little girl’s world the Father is equivalent to God.

And Father failed to stand and hold.

And with this, fear arises.

Deep dark fear of the Total Crash of the Holy Union archetype.

The Union between woman and man.

Between Earth and Heaven.

Between God and his child.

How then can I expect another man to be standing?

How then, can I trust again? How then can I be willing to take that step, and say Yes?

Quite something to stay with.

But I stay. I have no choice. It’s here, right now. In this New Year’s Eve. ( strange, for years I’ve been noticing that how New Year’s Eve is spend, so will the next year turn out for me… now, this is “another kind of” New Year’s Eve- feeling, a knowing of deep undercurrents)

Being willing to say Yes despite of this is in fact an act of courage and great love.

This love is not mine alone. And I do not owe it. 

This is the Love that has brought both of us to where we are today.

And because of this, I say Yes. 

Because of this, I will say Yes a hundred times over.

alone_flower_by_hajasghar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

33 thoughts on “A yogini is getting married

    • Once again,
      thank you, sister.
      We actually spoke of you the other day, as we remembered you’re and Arjunas’s words ( at ängsbacka) about giving ones love to one person, a living and breathing person, with all what this implies.
      So much water has run in the river since then, and so much has happened, which only love and love for truth and life can being forth.
      <3

  1. oh, Mette

    such a heart full of coeurage.
    a lionness of truth you are,

    this yes of yours feels unshakeable, such a deep rooted love you share now with your committment.

    tears, to feel such a yes!

    • Thank You, Barbara, sister,
      there are tears of love in this heart too !
      And I hope they stay.. or at least, if they leave that they return.
      Love, m-

  2. Thank you for this lovely and heartfelt piece which expresses so much of my own path. I got married three days ago, for the second time, at age 66. I had never thought to marry again and being such an independent woman, I was worried if I might feel somehow constricted by this choice. But we have had eight happy years together and our families are deeply interwoven, it felt right to make it official. I have even changed the last name I have carried for 45 years! It is strange but the path of love calls for the ego to surrender and a greater treasure to be found. May it be so for you, for me, and for all who put aside their betrayals and missteps and enter willingly,knowingly, into partnership through marriage.

    • Penelope,
      Congratulations!
      My heart sings when reading your comment.
      Thank you.
      Every blessing on your path, dear fellow traveller.
      I’m happy for you.
      Love,
      Mette

    • SUPER MARIO BROS DEBE SER EL TÍTULO MÁS GRANDE EN LA HISTORIA DE LOS VIDEOJUEGOS, Y NO IMPORTA SI HAY OTROS QUE HAYAN SIDO UNA OBRA DE ARTE, O CON AVANCES MÁS RECOULVIONARIOS O LO QUE SEA, ESTE JUEGO LO JUGARON HASTA MIS PADRES!!!

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  3. ohhhhhhhh…… dear Mette…… this is so powerful. your deep truth touches me in the most intimate way. you speak with such open clarity. all I can do is say thank you. you offer so much of such profound substance. thank you. a rain of blessings on your holy union. a bow to your gorgeous courage.

    • Suzy sister,
      thank you!
      your respond makes me humble, and happy that they are received. :)
      Thank you for all your blessings!
      Love, Mette

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