There are mothers.

Mother_child_720There are birth mothers.

And there are stepmothers.

There are adoptive mothers

and there are soul mothers.

There are real life mothers

and there are heavenly mothers.

There are deceased mothers and mothers alive.

There are mothers of darkness and mothers of light.

And there are mothers of Heavens and of Earth.

There are mother goddesses and the holy womb.

There are angelic mothers of saints and The mother of God.

There are always mothers.

Mothers upon mothers upon mothers.

Earthly mothers.

Holy mothers.

I am told they are all in me.

It takes a while to see

But in a luminous moment, I do.


©2014 Mette Welhaven Naess

Image by Howard Weingarden “Mother and child”

A yogini is getting married

images-1- And a marriage is not something a yogini can take it easy on. Even though she might want to sometimes, easier that way, for sure… Marriage is not just some yada-yada- words and a ring on the finger-play.

It is a 100% Yes. Unless so there is no yes.

When a yogini marries she does so full-heartedly. There is no holding back, nor is she hiding from whatever comes up. Life as a yogini demands of her to stay in her truth and as close to Truth as she possibly can. She has no choice. It is Spirit calling her out on stage. It’s not a choice made by mind and logic.

So, in the midst of a myriad of to-do-preparations before marriage, happily carried by a strong force of Love and Abundance on a wave of Joy

I fall.

Fall into something unexpected.

So totally unexpected.

Into a wave of deep sorrow, of frustration and agony.

Bodily pain and a tight knot in the belly, tears without name wanting to be cried.  Almost no breath. It’s a heavy, thick and stuck yet frantic and strange kind of electric nervous energy in this.

As out of the blue, the words Marriage Trauma appear in mind.

Oh, it sure is demanding, this 100% Yes.

This Yes to this one man, to whom I wove to stay full- heartedly, side by side, for the rest of my life.  A Yes to this Love, this Body, this Presence, this Life. With no escape routes. No back door slightly open for a quick and easy way out. Not a tiny little unspoken ‘no’ has a place in this union.

This Yes to marry with all of me.

I do not want it any other way.  My yogini heart is here, alive.

I’ve failed before. Twice. What was supposed to last, didn’t. Disappointment. Challenges. Trauma.  First time I was young and immature, second time driven by passion and frustration. Both had to end with pain.

There is more to it, something lurking in the shadows of the past.

So I breath into it. Feel and wait. Not for long, this wants to be seen now.

And from the deep Well of Grief comes to surface

The Great Betrayal.

The Great Betrayal is the one from the father of daughter.

In the little girl’s world the Father is equivalent to God.

And Father failed to stand and hold.

And with this, fear arises.

Deep dark fear of the Total Crash of the Holy Union archetype.

The Union between woman and man.

Between Earth and Heaven.

Between God and his child.

How then can I expect another man to be standing?

How then, can I trust again? How then can I be willing to take that step, and say Yes?

Quite something to stay with.

But I stay. I have no choice. It’s here, right now. In this New Year’s Eve. ( strange, for years I’ve been noticing that how New Year’s Eve is spend, so will the next year turn out for me… now, this is “another kind of” New Year’s Eve- feeling, a knowing of deep undercurrents)

Being willing to say Yes despite of this is in fact an act of courage and great love.

This love is not mine alone. And I do not owe it. 

This is the Love that has brought both of us to where we are today.

And because of this, I say Yes. 

Because of this, I will say Yes a hundred times over.












may bring overview and clarity.


brings compassion and peace

from within.

 Thank you me

for receiving myself.


In fact, that’s all that’s needed.

For after all, who knows where everything comes from?

I might experience it as mine. Or not. I might feel the feelings, the agony, the suffering. That does not make it mine. Or does it?

Are there any difference between yours or mine?

If I can feel it all, then you can feel it all, too.

If I choose to step back and look at it, a distance is created. Very well if that’s what is needed, to get a break. But the gap will close up, and the turmoil arise again.

Healing happens when I dare to come close. When I dare to take it all to heart, as it is. When it is received in this heart-full space, in total acceptance. And then it doesn’t matter if it is called yours or mine. Healing just is.



Not me.


This furious burning rage,

do I know your true name?

This grim face of slick nastiness,

where do you come from?

This bitter taste of hate sweeping through,

Oh, that’s not me!

Or is it?

Picture of self

painfully cracking.

 This nice and good girl

 this motherly tendering compassionate

 this helpful smiling face.

 This is not me

Nor is this

So then,

who am I

when all

and none?

Please God,

please tell

also this story

of your Grace.



UnknownImagine life as a forest. A really deep forest.

Imagine you’re in this forest and you’re getting lost. It’s a very huge forest. And you’re totally lost in the wilderness.  Absolutely and totally lost. You have no clue of the way out. All you see is trees, and more trees everywhere. There’s trees and rocks and windfalls, and lots of other hindrances to your sight.

So you climb the nearest top hoping the view will give you guidance. But all you see are hills upon hills with forest and trees. You continue to walk, up hill and down hill, following one creek, then another, hoping it will lead you somewhere. But it doesn’t, so you follow the small animal tracks instead, still hoping. More and more exhausted you stumble and fall over the roots and stones and step into bog holes getting soaked. And as you walk in this forest that before was so inviting to you, so alluring, so beautiful to your senses, you see none of this. All you see is that there are obstacles everywhere. You no longer see the trees for what they are, the sky above, or the small flowers on the shady forest ground. Your eyes are closed to the wonders. You no longer sense the underneath current of life, the source, the magnificence. All you see is your fear, your struggle, and your wanting to get free from all this. But you do not know how. So you continue to walk, and it feels like eons passing by, feeling you walk in circles, and there is no way out. So you start hoping for a miracle to happen. For someone to find you. For God to rescue you.

We walk in life like that, almost all our life. Lost in our minds, in our feelings, our old patterns and belief systems. Blind to the beauty of life. Hoping. Searching in the darkness and the wilderness of lust and longing. Lost in the dream, leaning onto the other to be rescued from our self, hoping for more happiness or easiness.  But we know somewhere deep down, that there is something else.  Something greater than this churning and striving, this running in the hamster wheel, this fear and this hopelessness and pain of being an individual, lost in the wilderness of thoughts and emotions.

But the forest is magical, and sadly we have forgotten about it.

As we stumble around we forget that all what is needed, is to relax, to come to our senses.  In order to see its innate beauty, the magnificence of life, the wonders of nature. To see the simplicity. If we could just for a moment be totally still, and sink into the ground in our selves, the trees of our minds, the darkness inside that scares us so. We would find that there is no forest outside your self, and there is no one walking in it.  And then, mysteriously, magically, as by a whisper you’ll find that you’ve been at home all the time, that there was actually no one leaving and no one to rescue.

You were only lost in a dream fed and maintained by your very own mind. 

And filled with awe you arise, and see as for the first time, that the beauty and wonders of life will never be lost, it cannot be. Simply because it’s inside of You as you are inside of That. 


Note to Ego- Mind


Monday, and I’m back home after an intense weekend diving into the questions of who I am in Truth and who I’m not.

Pew. This churning ego-mind is literally exhausted.  It had some hard days work trying to hold on to all that is known and familiar, safe and restricting.

Is it foolish to say I kind of feel sorry for this ego-mind? Perhaps. Well, then I’m a fool. But honestly. Poor thing, having such a hard time. Not only with me in this weekend, but in general. Think of it. What is the mind’s ways? Isn’t it to hold on? In fear of loosing the grip. In fear of death, madness, or overwhelming feelings. Creating structures to cope with it all. Trying to understand it all, while grasping onto the me-sense. Holding onto the notion of a separate self, for all it’s worth, and by that limiting it self and life. Holding onto old stories, to belief systems, to images of truth, and at the same time trying to convince me, and every one else, that this is the one and only and right way. It’s holding onto all of it, to the skin of it’s teeth! Falling and rising. Churning, churning, holding and holding. To keep up the world as it knows it. A heavy load indeed.

Pew! Poor thing.

But anyhow;

Perhaps a note to this ego- mind is appropriate, because it has this tendency to arise and continue the struggle over and over again, to keep on churning.

So here it is. A note to ego -mind:

Dear ego-mind.

She will no longer serve you all that energy you crave for to exist. She no longer wants to attain your games of hide and seek. She will not push you away, because you will transform that energy to food for your self sustain. But she will not forget about you either. And she certainly will keep a close eye on your action. She will sit down and look at you from a perspective of Truth, and invite you to rest. And in the end who knows; perhaps you will like it?

With regards,

The Greater Mind, also called Truth Within or Goddess.


an ordinary woman

 ordinary me playingI have not been writing blog posts for a very long time now.

It just stopped.

I could not continue.

A voice inside whispered something that I again forgot, but it was strong enough to keep me from writing. The voice talked in quite simple words. Words like; who do you believe you are, thinking that your thoughts and words are worth spreading? Do you actually have anything to say that is not said hundreds of times over, and expressed in much better ways already? Stay simple. Please, put your ego aside. Wait. Are you different than anyone else? Who are you, really? What part of you is talking? Why are you writing?

This may sounds as pretty depressing and reducing thoughts. It was not. It was just simple and honest thoughts arising.

This voice returned today, months and weeks later.

And I find my self punching at the keyboard again, placing black letters on a white word sheet, smiling, finding it kind of funny.

My answer to all this is simple too; I’m an ordinary woman. There is nothing very special about me. I wake up in the morning, eat and kiss my beloved goodbye, make love at night, copes with life’s challenges at day and sometimes at night too, going around doing everyday family stuff. And I try to stay as honest and true to my self as possible in the moment, trying to see behind the veil of patterns, beliefs and thoughts.  So where does this leave me?

It leaves me right here. With my self and with you.

What’s special about that? Nothing much. Thank Goddess. It is a relief actually. Quite freeing.

There was a time when I felt small and rather unimportant, but not in a good way. My ego back then was striving for being more and better and glorious… but I did not see it. I just saw the failure. I saw everything that I was not, and I tried to compensate. I was in a hamster wheel I did not even see. Of course it became failure when the drive to greatness came from a lack inside.

I will not say I’m totally free of ego drive today, oh no!  Far from it. That would just be another untruthful belief to carry. There is still plenty of “me” inside of me. But now I can also enjoy the ride, while exploring and unveiling “the faces of me”.

Truth is I long for the day when I in absolute honesty can say: “I am an ordinary woman just because I AM”. And out of that life will keep on unfolding as the mystery it is. And I will play my part in the divine comedy knowing I’m simply playing a character in the great constellation called Life, while not forgetting who I am in essence.  And that will not be the one I think I am. Yet in an odd way, it will be so too I guess.

I wish you a playful day in the game of Life!




When “Another” falls away.

illustrasjon_den-andre-siden_p3_4-970x545Recently this happened. Sitting, questioning, listening to the responses inside. Like this.

- Oh Lord!

“No Another” is just a way of saying there is No ME!


Racing Heartbeats.

Leaning into this, this breathing. This body. This sensation.

What arises is fear of extinction, fear of death.

Is there No Way Out of this?

Breathing… feeling,

The Yogini way; Waiting for an impulse.



Deep sadness comes… heart ache

Why? Because I hold on to my self as an entity.

Oh, I did not know it was this painful to stay “in me”, holding on to a ‘me’!

It really hurts!

Then suddenly mistrust arises.

Disbelief saying; “Sure baby, sure sounds great with being in the heart and all that, Being One, being the Openness itself, but do you really believe in all this? That this is the Truth and that you’re actually able to live this? “

‘Able to live this’… ouch…

Sigh…a guardian of the gate visiting.


This guardian sure knows it’s way with me.

It will not have me entering that easy…




Breathe… breathe… waiting… for…

A moment of clarity,


“Hey! When this is All ME, All of it, why fear death?

Then I’m death also” … !

Surprise! This you did not think of, huh?

Oh, What a relief!

– tricking the trickster! –

Laughter and a smiling face.

It’s perhaps not so dangerous after all this “No ME”- thing?

Perhaps there is a joyful, easy way into It All ?


A soft, gentle, no pushing way?

Waiting again… ‘the yogini way’

A ‘no-fear-way’ opens, it feels like green pastures.



Wow… can it really be like this?

Yes, it seems so.

New surprise,

– me like!









Who is Another?


51WccMs0rDL._SL500_AA300_At first glance, this question might seem simple and almost too stupid to even care to answer. Why bother, as I can clearly see that you are not me, right?

But are you sure? Who is another, really? Have you ever, honestly, tried to follow your mind and emotions into this question? Perhaps not, as we all take the whole thing for granted, don’t we?

I was asked the question this weekend.  That is because I’ve embarked on one more journey into the Buddha Psychology, with my teacher Nukunu.

I tried to answer it as wholeheartedly as I could. Oh, yes of course I know the right answers in my mind of memories, and I could easily reproduce them. I’ve read the books, you know.  But that’s dead stuff. I’m not interested in that, I’m interested in the raw experience in the moment, in what feels true right now. So I sat listening and not listening to the voices in the room, all trying to explain their experience of who is another to their random chosen partner. I listened to “my partner”- A simple question producing so many different answers. Interesting in it self.

Would you like to know what I found?

To me ‘Another’ is something the mind creates in time and space, as something or someone apart from me, as an object in time and space. Oh, how convenient! In that way I can hold you as something predictable in the world of objects.

It is also a way to say: Oh no, this is not me or mine! In that way I do not need to be responsible, I do not have to engage.  In that way I do not need to feel into what I reject in the moment, of feelings and circumstances. “Oh, this is for sure not mine, this is yours, baby! “

When I create ‘you’ or ‘another’ I immediately create ‘me’. In a split second I’ve created a distance, a disconnection, a separation. In creating ‘another’ I build and restore the prison called me, each and every time, every single day.

‘Another’ is a dance and form of energy given names and labels. It has become frozen objects. When I create another I do so in order to believe that this dance is controllable, and to keep a certain imagined balance and safety. It is a game in time and space. Quite fascinating actually, how we all silently have agreed to keep this game of hide and seek going for thousands of years… hmm….

And then came the juicy part, for me the bottom line of this:

” If there were to be no other, no you, there would be no me.”


NO ME ?!? Oh no, sir, don’t you give me this one. I won’t buy it.


Fear came visiting, sure as Amen in the church.

Oh my!…. I’m so afraid of loosing the grip of it all. It’s better to stay framed than to loose ones self, or what?

I better keep the walls up and live inside the jail called me, in order to believe that this is safe and that this is the best solution for all.



Of course not. But still we do.

When we mutually agree to keep the concept of another alive, we constantly live in a blind dance that goes on and on. We agree to this in order to feel that we belong. Belong in a family, in a group, in the world, and that there is a time and place for ‘me’ in the world. We agree to stay small in order to belong.

I saw that what we reject in the moment of identifying as a ‘me’ and a ‘you’, is the greatness. It is nothing but the AbsoluteTotality we reject. We trade our freedom for the jail of mind.

Oh holy shit! This vastness beyond measure.. .. limitless access to this?… oohh… fear from the guts and longing in the heart arose side by side. 


It’s perhaps not so bad after all, to dive into this. So much revealed by such a simple question.

There is more to come.

Yes please !

Thank you, Nukunu. Thank you, sangha.

Thank you ‘me’ for diving into the sea of life.